Hormones and Harmony; Guide to Being an Awesome Teenage Girl (3)
CHAPTER 3: DATING
In the last chapter, I said one shouldn't go into a relationship based on a crush. Let's be real here, most of you ignored that advice. It's fine, we're all human. If you really insist on going into a relationship with someone, I can only help you with guidelines.
1. Date Someone you Know; If you're going into a relationship with someone, the person is a stranger to you.You don't know him before and you're not related to him. The key to making it work with him is to know him. Become his friend before you say, 'yes, I'll date you'. Learn his habits, let him know yours. From friends, you become close friends or best friends. When you know each other well, the relationship would last. If you're worried about a relationship losing its novelty because you know each other well, don't worry too much. You can never really know a person completely.
2. Date Someone with whom you share 70 percent of the same interests; This is very important. You've got to find a balance. If you guys share nothing in common, don't sweat it, it won't work. If it does, you'd put a ridiculous amount of hard work in that relationship, which might not even pay off. If you share 10 to 50 percent of interests with that person, it might have the same result as above. If you two share 70 percent of your interests, it is bound to work. The remaining 30 percent you don't share is the debate period that teaches you compromise.
3. Date Someone who you can make your priority and will make you his priority; When in a relationship, your partner should be one of your priorities. When you choose to date someone, you've accepted the person into your life to be a part of you. That means, a portion of your time and life should be allocated to that person. Like it or not, the person is practically a part of your family now, as your partner. This goes both ways. Make sure you're a priority to this person.
4. Date Someone with Equal Financial Status; This is a very tricky point. I'm not going to specify whom you should date according to their financial status. The best thing to do is date someone with an equal financial status as you. It'll equate the relationship. Dating someone with a lower or higher financial status will bring frustrations that your young mind can't handle so if both you and your partner bring something to the table, that'll handle the finances of your relationship quite well. Just make sure both of you aren't greedy though.
5. Date Someone with whom you can agree with; Thing is, making decisions as two different people from different backgrounds can be difficult, especially if you're both stubborn. So, be with someone you can agree and compromise with. For example, both of you are going off to university and you're trying to decide where to go. Both of you want to go to different institutions and that's where the major disagreements come in. Both you and your partner must be able to sit down and draft out an agreement that would benefit both of you. That's the best way to make a relationship work.
6. Date Someone who is Serious about you; Dating someone is a serious affair and should be taken as such. Feelings are not things that should be played with, by either gender. When you want to go into dating, it's not a flimsy decision. Main reason why I said relationships shouldn't be built on flimsy crushes. When you want to date someone, date someone you're serious about and you're sure he's serious about you. It's not child's play and shouldn't be treated as such.
7. Date Someone you wouldn't cheat on; Several times in a relationship would you find someone who is better than your partner. More cute, good-looking, attentive, rich, sophisticated, intelligent and so on. It is critical you date someone you wouldn't leave just because you have found someone better than him. It's truly unhealthy. If you're dating your partner based on facial attraction or some shallow cause, you would cheat on him. Best advice is to date someone you know you can trust, won't cheat on and you're sure he won't cheat on you.
8. Date Someone you can Effectively Communicate with; In every relationship, communication is key. With your partner, you should be able to ensure effective communication with a decided period. It means you two should agree when to talk to each other by yourselves, without anybody's input. When communicating, you should also be able to understand each other and resolve conflicts peacefully. That doesn't mean there cannot be diversity in your relationship. To put it simply, do what works for the both of you as a couple.
9. Date Someone who would be willing to make it work as much as you would; As much as all advice given is somewhat perfect, it is incomplete when the person you're dating doesn't match your energy in making the relationship work. To make it work, you two must agree that you want it to work, together. No matter how long or stressful a relationship is, if you two agree you want to make it work, then it will surely work.
10. Date Someone who shares the same belief as you; This is super important. Be with someone who shares your beliefs or at the very least, respects them. If you're with someone that disregards your beliefs, chances are, your relationship wouldn't last. It'll just be toxic. Date someone who would accept you and your beliefs and never discredit them as something unreasonable. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs so don't let anyone make you feel like a lesser human because of your beliefs.
This is all the advice I'm covering in this chapter. If you have some dating questions, you can drop them in the comment section below and I'll do a part two of this chapter. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
In the last chapter, I said one shouldn't go into a relationship based on a crush. Let's be real here, most of you ignored that advice. It's fine, we're all human. If you really insist on going into a relationship with someone, I can only help you with guidelines.
1. Date Someone you Know; If you're going into a relationship with someone, the person is a stranger to you.You don't know him before and you're not related to him. The key to making it work with him is to know him. Become his friend before you say, 'yes, I'll date you'. Learn his habits, let him know yours. From friends, you become close friends or best friends. When you know each other well, the relationship would last. If you're worried about a relationship losing its novelty because you know each other well, don't worry too much. You can never really know a person completely.
2. Date Someone with whom you share 70 percent of the same interests; This is very important. You've got to find a balance. If you guys share nothing in common, don't sweat it, it won't work. If it does, you'd put a ridiculous amount of hard work in that relationship, which might not even pay off. If you share 10 to 50 percent of interests with that person, it might have the same result as above. If you two share 70 percent of your interests, it is bound to work. The remaining 30 percent you don't share is the debate period that teaches you compromise.
3. Date Someone who you can make your priority and will make you his priority; When in a relationship, your partner should be one of your priorities. When you choose to date someone, you've accepted the person into your life to be a part of you. That means, a portion of your time and life should be allocated to that person. Like it or not, the person is practically a part of your family now, as your partner. This goes both ways. Make sure you're a priority to this person.
4. Date Someone with Equal Financial Status; This is a very tricky point. I'm not going to specify whom you should date according to their financial status. The best thing to do is date someone with an equal financial status as you. It'll equate the relationship. Dating someone with a lower or higher financial status will bring frustrations that your young mind can't handle so if both you and your partner bring something to the table, that'll handle the finances of your relationship quite well. Just make sure both of you aren't greedy though.
5. Date Someone with whom you can agree with; Thing is, making decisions as two different people from different backgrounds can be difficult, especially if you're both stubborn. So, be with someone you can agree and compromise with. For example, both of you are going off to university and you're trying to decide where to go. Both of you want to go to different institutions and that's where the major disagreements come in. Both you and your partner must be able to sit down and draft out an agreement that would benefit both of you. That's the best way to make a relationship work.
6. Date Someone who is Serious about you; Dating someone is a serious affair and should be taken as such. Feelings are not things that should be played with, by either gender. When you want to go into dating, it's not a flimsy decision. Main reason why I said relationships shouldn't be built on flimsy crushes. When you want to date someone, date someone you're serious about and you're sure he's serious about you. It's not child's play and shouldn't be treated as such.
7. Date Someone you wouldn't cheat on; Several times in a relationship would you find someone who is better than your partner. More cute, good-looking, attentive, rich, sophisticated, intelligent and so on. It is critical you date someone you wouldn't leave just because you have found someone better than him. It's truly unhealthy. If you're dating your partner based on facial attraction or some shallow cause, you would cheat on him. Best advice is to date someone you know you can trust, won't cheat on and you're sure he won't cheat on you.
8. Date Someone you can Effectively Communicate with; In every relationship, communication is key. With your partner, you should be able to ensure effective communication with a decided period. It means you two should agree when to talk to each other by yourselves, without anybody's input. When communicating, you should also be able to understand each other and resolve conflicts peacefully. That doesn't mean there cannot be diversity in your relationship. To put it simply, do what works for the both of you as a couple.
9. Date Someone who would be willing to make it work as much as you would; As much as all advice given is somewhat perfect, it is incomplete when the person you're dating doesn't match your energy in making the relationship work. To make it work, you two must agree that you want it to work, together. No matter how long or stressful a relationship is, if you two agree you want to make it work, then it will surely work.
10. Date Someone who shares the same belief as you; This is super important. Be with someone who shares your beliefs or at the very least, respects them. If you're with someone that disregards your beliefs, chances are, your relationship wouldn't last. It'll just be toxic. Date someone who would accept you and your beliefs and never discredit them as something unreasonable. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs so don't let anyone make you feel like a lesser human because of your beliefs.
This is all the advice I'm covering in this chapter. If you have some dating questions, you can drop them in the comment section below and I'll do a part two of this chapter. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
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